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Did she use me

Author: Perry (---.dial.sasknet.sk.ca)
Date: 11-03-07 04:55

I met very nice girl on internet.We wrote letters every day for 1 year.
She wrote from her work place.I was under the impression that she would have liked the life i was to give her.Seemed we had much in common.
We talked like we were going to have nice life together.
I sent to here 650.00 for half the airfare.She did arrive at her sister in Calgary.I drove to meet her.Spent some what of a day together.Not alone but with lots of other from Russia.In the morning there was a note that this was not going to work and she would rather be in Kiev.
I must say i was hurt.So i just left for home.
We still write each other every day.I am not sorry that i gave the money to meet her.But do not understand why she still writes to me.
I know it is not for money.
Is there any woman from Ukraine that may have some input to this.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-03-07 18:15

Hello, Perry!
Why do not you ask her, you lovely girl, about it? How other people can know why and what for she does this and that?...What do you think?

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Sveta (---.range81-158.btcentralplus.com)
Date: 11-03-07 20:14

Perry, sometimes it happens people meet each other after long writing and they undestand that they don't love each other (no God sigh). I think it happened in your case. She continues to write you as a friend. You have a good personality and you were kind with her. I have some such friends. We didn't fall in love , when we met. But we stayed friends, because we have much in common. We are speaking, writing, support each other in difficulties. It is possible to be just friends with men!
But I would advice you to discus it with her and to make situation clear. It is much better to know truth, than to torture yourself, having bad thoughts about her and so feel not confident.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Perry (---.dial.sasknet.sk.ca)
Date: 11-03-07 23:37

Thank you all for quick response.
I do not want to offend her by asking such a thing.
I think i shall just be a friend.Tell me please do i tell her i am continuing
my search.I think i should i suppose.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Robert (---.ppphg-14-brnt.dial.ntli.net)
Date: 11-04-07 10:48

Hi Perry,

Been reading the comments about your Ukrainian experience. Seems to me that you were very trusting in sending $650 to someone you had never met. I strongly suspect that the other half was paid for by another Canadian guy so, in effect her trip to visit her sister was a freebie as we say in the UK.

Time to put that behind you. Without being too blunt, yes, you were used and you should put yourself first from now on. My candid advice would be to look for someone that is in north America, who speaks the same language, shares your culture and is no more than a few hours flight away.

All the best,

Robert

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Perry (---.dial.sasknet.sk.ca)
Date: 11-04-07 12:50

Well what you have said is what i suspected.
It was a little stupid to trust someone i never met.
Oh she did speak english.
But you know i have gained a friend and i do not think she well ask for anything .To send 650.00 you know one can spend that much here in one weekend with a woman that is a real user.Then not even have a friend.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Robert (---.ppphg-04-brnt.dial.ntli.net)
Date: 11-04-07 13:10

I understand your point of view but you must not hang out hoping that one day she will change her feelings for you. That's always the danger when we have emotions for someone, we keep trying, convince ourselves that we can live with "friendship" but deep down we want a relationship. I know, I've been there!

Keeping in touch is commendable considering what you have gone through and, if she were serious in remaining a real friend, she would perhaps suggest a way of reimbursing you for part of the $650? That in my view would be the acid test. Of course it would be in your gift to accept the money or write it off but it's the gesture that counts.

Again, my advice is to look to the future. There are plenty of wonderful women in this world. To a certain degree we all have to go through a bit of pain to get to the right one and it takes a lot of courage to move on.

Good luck!

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-04-07 13:58

Hello, Robert!

I am curious, how do you see an ideal date with a lady from international dating service (concerning any spendings)? Would you consider a level of her earnings comparing to yours?

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-04-07 14:04

Dear Perry,

I would suggest you to discuss all these matters with your girl first, but not to listen to others. All people are different: what is right for someone else, might not be right for you.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Perry (---.dial.sasknet.sk.ca)
Date: 11-04-07 14:38

Hello Marina

Of course i do not consider her earnings compare to mine.
I know what earnings are in the Ukraine.It is pitiful to think one can live on that.I know food is twice as much as here.Also clothes is 3 times as much.

Robert is correct.
She did offer to pay me $100.00 a month.To give me my money back.
Of course i did not want it.But one still feels used when played with his heart.A year is long time to write to someone that in 1 day says it well not work.One day i do not think a person is capable to judge if they are meant for one another.To write letters is one thing.To meet i deffinetly think it would be more than a day to say it well not work.
I think one well never really know what it is that a person has decided
in 1 day that effects a whole life.I do not think she really knows herself.
So it is really no point to ask her why she made the choice.
I think it best to be left at this.I like her and well always like her.
If it is only for friend i have still gained.
It was a mistake to put it up for disscusion.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Robert (---.ppphg-10-brnt.dial.ntli.net)
Date: 11-04-07 15:14

Hi Marina,

I have met ladies from Poland, Czech Republic and Belarus and am still in contact with some of them.

In all cases, I had plenty of correspondence as well as phone calls before I felt comfortable about visiting them. In fact, one came here three times but we decided on the last visit that our relationship could not develop any further. It was a shame but that's life.

I have never been asked by anyone for money and in turn have not expected anyone to pay for me. Contrary to popular belief, westerners are not obsessed with money; we are simply careful. We pay a fortune in taxes and, after covering the high cost of living, especially in London where rents are $3,000 a month, do not have as much money as people think. Nevertheless, we are generous with what we have and many decent men over here are not looking for a rich widow or divorcee to date but a genuine lady, irrespective of her income and standard of living.

Robert

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-04-07 15:19

Perry, I think people should not keep corresponding for such a long time. That is right, it was a mistake. Read articles that the site provides. Some of them are quite helpful. I went through too long correspondence as well, but with different issue. I think, if you are really serious to find Love through Internet, you should arrange a date in about 3 months of writing to "feel" your "subject". You know, sometimes just one look can make you feel that there is no "click", no "chemistry". I think, you are too young to expect just a friendship from your partner. Inside "fire" is a must as well, I suppose.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-04-07 15:58

Hi, Robert!

After all you said your rush judgement of Perry's girlfriend is even less understandable for me. A year of corresponding is a long time...You know, sometime, while counting change in a purse people do not see Love that passing by them

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Robert (---.ppphg-20-brnt.dial.ntli.net)
Date: 11-04-07 16:51

Hi Marina,

Yes a year of corresponding is a long time but a brief meeting amongst lots of other people is not long enough to fall in love!

That's why a cautious person, male or female, will not rush into throwing their money, or emotions at someone they hardly know.

It's got nothing to do with counting money in a purse. Women, especially women, want to respect their man and the moment they feel he's an easy touch, they rapidly lose interest.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-04-07 17:52

Hi, Robert!

I think you cannot be totally sure why women lose interest. You know, trust is a very fine thing...if you "drop it down" once you never can "pick it up" again...Being not trustful you cannot build trustful relationship.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Robert (---.ppphg-03-brnt.dial.ntli.net)
Date: 11-04-07 20:12

Yes, I agree, but trust takes time to develop and that means many dates, not one. You cannot have reached 100% trust by exchanging emails or even having spoken to someone. You must meet them and see how things develop.

For example, if I were to telephone you saying that for $10,000 you could have a car worth $20,000. Would you send me the $10,000 by Western Union before driving the car away? I think not.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Marina (---.pppoe.mtu-net.ru)
Date: 11-04-07 20:48

Agree, Robert! Trust needs to be deserved. But judgement has to be deserved as well! You cannot trust straight away, but cannot judge from one go too! Do not forget: word may kill.

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Robert (---.mia.fl.atlanticbb.net)
Date: 11-16-07 14:22

i think you are dreaming and wishing this girl will become more. sometimes the truth hurts. this girl isnt interested in you and stop wasting your time. move on there are many many nice ladies.i would write her that youre looking for a wife not a mail mate...as for your meeting, she had other plans then to fall in love with you....bob

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Re: Did she use me

Author: Perry (---.dial.sasknet.sk.ca)
Date: 11-16-07 14:58

Thanks to all who have left there comments and understanding help.
I have moved on and searching again for one that may be for me.

Thank you

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