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JOKES about relationships etc

Author: tann (---.quantum.ru)
Date: 03-26-04 16:39

Why are we so serious here? Let's open a topic where we can relax and exchange jokes. Here I start!

A customer asks in a toy department of a store:

- Why does "Barbie" cost just $99 but "Divorced Barbie" costs $399???
- Because the "Divorced Barbie" package includes Ken's car, Ken's house and Ken's helicopter!

:))

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: David (---.orby.sth.bostream.se)
Date: 03-26-04 17:44

that's not funny .... sob sob sob .....

.... ha ha ha ... just kidding!

Apparently Barbie is now dating an Australia Surfie called Blaine!

Rumour has it Ken got caught in a compromising position with GI Joe....

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: tann (---.quantum.ru)
Date: 04-05-04 10:07

No one is going to support me... Don't know jokes or don't like to joke about the topic? ;) So, shall I countinue? Let's try:

- Does your husband remember of the day of your marriage?
- Fortunately not!
- "Fortunately"???
- Yes, I recall him about the day some times a year and I get gifts every time!

:)

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: David (---.sea1-4-5-060-136.sea1.dsl-verizon.net)
Date: 04-06-04 02:59

Well,
since no-one else wants to post a joke with you, tann, Let's see if anyone has the guts to answer my joke about relationships;
Here goes:
What is the difference between your wife and your job?

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: John T Owens (---.bos.east.verizon.net)
Date: 04-06-04 04:31

A guy was having an affair with his best friend's wife when she suddenly died. At the funeral his guilt broke him down completely, but the husband consoled him: "Don't take it so hard, Lev, I'll probably get married again".

Sounds like a Russian joke, nyet?

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Igor (---.n224.majar.com)
Date: 04-09-04 00:27

A lady put an ad in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: David (---.orby.sth.bostream.se)
Date: 04-13-04 02:42

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I
want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any
hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I
tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't
you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether
you're here or not."

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Anders (---.ip-pluggen.com)
Date: 04-15-04 13:55

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I''m sorry to bother you, but I''m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I''ve got a better idea... just for tonight, let''s pretend we''re married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Marina (---.194.158.208.204.belpak.by)
Date: 04-24-04 00:55

The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty
advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand
proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner
table."
Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair
and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with
a hint of a smile."
"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."
"Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so
kind as to please pass the pussy."

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: John T Owens (---.bos.east.verizon.net)
Date: 04-24-04 08:13

A guy is having an affair with his best friend's wife. One afternoon the husband comes home and surprises them together. The saddened husband yells at his friend: "Lev, I have to make love to her, but you???"

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Marina (---.194.158.208.158.belpak.by)
Date: 04-24-04 14:01

Poor husband had pain in elbow of his right hand. He went to see doctor.
" Doctor , what 's wrong with my right hand ?"
Doctor answered :" You should pass urine test".
"Doctor, WHY ???". Exasperated husband went home and took a glass jar.
Then pissed there himself, then make to piss there his wife, then his dog and finally poured there a bit from his car accumulator ... and took that to polyclinic to make a test.
In several time the doctor called him and said : " Dear, we analysed your urine, and I can tell you now - your wife had cought cold, your dog has fleas, your accumulator needs a bit sulphiryc... and you should extend your bathroom - when you masturbate, your right elbow beats again the wall ans you have pain after all."

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Boyd (---.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com)
Date: 05-01-04 13:40

A guy comes home for supper after work. When he gets in the house his attention is caught by his wife rubbing her pussy on the corner of the table. "Darling what are you doing?" asked the husband desesperately. "Shut up!" she said " I'm heating up your supper!"

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Boyd (---.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com)
Date: 05-01-04 13:56

A man was married with this woman for 30 years, after all that time the poor guy seemed to have difficulty to erect. His wife told him: "If you don't do something about it I will leave!" So the man went to see his doctor: "Doctor, doctor, I need help" siad the poor guy. He then explained his problem to the doctor. The doctor said: "I have just the thing for you, it is a new pill, you take it and when you whistle you will become stiffer than ever. And for your dick to return to normal, you just need to whistle another time." "Great" said the man "how much for them" The doctor replied: "They are 100$ a pill but I only got three left" So the man baught the three of them.

On his way home he thought to himself "What if it doesn't work, 300$, I think I'll try one" So he popped a pill in his mouth, swallowed and then whistled. His dick got bigger than he ever seen it before. He whistled again and everything got to normal. He thought: "Now that is gonna show her!"

"But" he thought "are they all working, I think I'll try another one" So he did and it still worked so he kept the last one for home.

When he got home he said to his wife: "I've got something to show you" He popped a pill in his mouth and swallowed it then he whistled. His dick got so big that his wife, amazed, whistled. At that moment his dick went back to normal and he had no pill left so his wife left.

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Boyd (---.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com)
Date: 05-01-04 14:06

A guy was in a bar a day, after a few beers he went to the bathroom. Two hours later he comes out and go see the bartender to get another beer. The bartender looks at him and says "You look pale. Why where you in there for so long?"

So the guy begins to mumble his story: "I was peeing when this big black guy comes in and takes out a gun, he looked at me and said: "You suck me or I shoot you" " Then he stopped speaking.

"So what happened?" asked the bartender curiously. The man replied: "Have you heard a gunshot?"

This one wasn't about relationships but it is so good that I needed to put it here.

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Re: JOKES about relationships etc

Author: Marina (---.194.158.208.158.belpak.by)
Date: 05-02-04 02:27

??????????

??????? ??????? ??????? ?????? ???????? ? ???? - ????? ?? ?????. To translate into English - don't whistle, otherwise won't have great dicks at your home :))

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