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Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Roy (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: 07-24-05 21:20

In the first few weeks of using this sight, I got many many responses and a few where very romantic and seemed sincere and I was the same back. A few seemed to talk from the heart and emotions and very attractive but I could not get a phone number or yahoo chat or live text chat so I continued my "cyber" romance with more than one woman and light romance with a few others.
I am not trying to have numerous girlfriends, but does email-only relationships mean there should be only one at a time ?(barely real.. Text and (who knows whose?) pictures only). I do not expect women I have never met, talked with or at least used live chat to commit theirselves to emailing me only.. That is just so .... Not reality..
I would really like to know how women feel about this but any comments welcomed.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.ppco.com)
Date: 07-25-05 18:09

Roy you should email with many women and see which ones are real, and see if you have connection with one special girl. If you email just one girl, you make yourself vulnerable to a scammer, that might play with your emotions, so several is better, but once you have a connection with 1 girl, and she is serious about you, and you have maybe spoken to her, then its safe to email with just 1 girl. Anyway thats my advice, i will wait to see what Blaine and Lance have to say on this. :)

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Blaine (---.ph.ph.cox.net)
Date: 07-26-05 00:24

I think the same as James ( strange how this has happened more then once now! ) But there is an exception I would like to offer. If you are unencumbered and have free time and plenty of funds --just go there and immerse yourself,and meet women like you would anywhere else. Public places are safer,and she will probably be more open to you in a park or museum then in a club. Other than that,you should write to many and then slowly ween them out to a few,and then settle on 2 or 3,then choose the best of these. I know it sounds like a reality TV show,but the reality is also that you may have to repeat this same process many times. I am more concerned with making friendly connections to meet with,and not so hot on the romance fantasy thing. It is "blue smoke and mirrors". I think also that you should have a plan "B" and possibly plan "C",in case things go bad. Always have an escape pod or exit. I personally feel that people have too many fish on the same hook in these dating sites. I am tired of being one of many interests. I will become closer to a woman,and then she will write a short letter saying " Going to Moscow for 2 weeks--seeya!" And I know that often she is vacationing with one of the many fish whom you wish she would drop. She will write warm letters which tell you how attracted she has become to you--but too often this same letter goes to all the other fish too. Lucky you if she sincerely,truly becomes enamored only of you!! Hint: you know she is truly a good fisherwoman if she takes many trips to Moscow and she is living in Khabarovsk. After all,who ( not me) can take several vacations each year?

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.dsl.tulsok.swbell.net)
Date: 07-26-05 03:48

Very true Blaine - i hate this agreeing with you, its not good for my health !!!! I was corresponding with a girl for 3 months, and i arranged to meet her in Kyiv, but at last moment she has to go to work in Crimea for summer due to circumstances beyond her control - work !!!!

So i went to kyiv anyway and studied russian. Unfortunately i had no back up plan, so i had to do the park thing, which is never easy to do, especially when the girl you try and speak to replies in ukrainian, which i do not speak. :)

Back up plans are a good idea - Plan A, B and C should be enough. Thats my plan for my next trip to Kyiv come Sept, as well as studying more russian.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Gabriel Magana (---.dsl.anhm01.pacbell.net)
Date: 07-26-05 07:19

I have one questin for you guys (and gals, please chime in if you can!):

Now that I am corresponding with several women, I am starting to see that I might be setting myself up for hurting someone, since I cannot end up a polygamist!

I mean, I have head about the dirty things men end up doing to women ("sorry I met someon else") because we guys talk to several women at the same time... I believe I am going to hurt some of these very nice ladies sometime when it somes time to decide on one.

Sorry it just feels weird to be in this position. I 've had plenty of rejection in my life, I would not like to hurt someone else!

So how do you guys handle this?

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Nadya (---.ukrlink.net.ua)
Date: 07-26-05 12:33

I can give here only my opinion about that. I always feel when a man is writing only me and when he is writing to many women. It is known for from his first ,second letter. And I can say more- I am not interseting in such man. I am answering him and continue to write him but without interest. Therefore maybe I am still here.From my experiense I know only one man who had written only me and nobody more. But it is very not ordinary man, who you can meet one among 1 millien of people.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.ppco.com)
Date: 07-26-05 16:25

Gabriel - just be open and honest with the women. Tell them that you are writing to several girls. Its better to be up front with women. I write to 3 women myself, and i tell them all that i write to 3 girls, because its better to be honest.

I think there is a difference between writing to several girls, and then meeting several girls.

I am sure over the next few months you will be writing to fewer girls, maybe even only one girl, once you find a connection, which i am sure you will. And then when you are writing to just 1 girl, you can tell her that, and then she really will feel special. :)

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Andrew (---.vic.bigpond.net.au)
Date: 07-26-05 18:07

I find it hard to be romantic with multiple women (truly romantic); it just does not make sense to me. I think It is OK and fair to talk to many girls as they would also do the same with men (that’s the whole idea of this site yes?), but do not give promises and say things you do not mean.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Blaine (---.ph.ph.cox.net)
Date: 07-26-05 19:21

I do not understand how one can skip the friendship and go straight to romance?

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Roy (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: 07-26-05 19:55

Great responses! But because it is not "real" life dating, it is hard because I have been an "almost" victim of many scams before. I even saw a few of them on the anti-scam websites. I also made some friends that seemed to be serious and then they disappeared! The difficulty is the unknown about email relationships. I got my hopes up many times with so many women from all over the world on these sites to only be left hanging wondering where they went. I also, of course been asked to send money for visas, plane tickets, grandma's life saving operation etc.
My advice to serious women using these sites is to also have more than one "friend" until a meeting. Also, women should be prepared to be asked to show proof of who they are like sending a new picture with them holding a sign that says " Hi, (your name), from (my name). This at least shows the person who's picture is being used is who you are really corresponding to. I also send the same to prove it is the guy in the picture on the profile that is sending you letters. I have done this and NEVER got a picture back proving it was the same girl in the profile. Webcams are of course better but do they not have them at internet cafe?

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Gabriel Magana (---.dsl.anhm01.pacbell.net)
Date: 07-27-05 10:10

Thanks for your responses... Now I know what to do (when in doubt, tell the truth!)...

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.ppco.com)
Date: 07-27-05 17:45

What do you do if you are emailing with 2 girls, and 1 girl you have been emailing with for just 1-2 weeks, wants you to stop emailing with other girls and she says that you are the one for her? She says that if you email with several girls then you are a sex tourist? I am very much hoping that maybe Nadya reads this email (as both girls i email with are from Ukraine), as she can hopefully advise me.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Nadya (---.ukrlink.net.ua)
Date: 07-28-05 01:38

Dear James. Firstly, not all girls are intelligent enough to
understand you to be writing to many women. They can written to many
men,too. And they don't take attention what kind of letters you write
them. When I get a warm letter I always feel it. But if you write to
many women, I don't believe all these letters will be warm and loving.
Dear guys(I respect all who write on forum here), if you seriously
want to meet love of all your life and to make it fast enough you
should
1. to know what kind of woman do you want(agree , it is hard to find
if you don't know what you are looking for)
2. Remember you are looking for love , not for friendship. Therefore
write every woman if she would be a single woman for you. Of course,
it is a very hard work. You must remember all women, who you are
writing,to not confuse their names, photos and different
detailers. You must be wise enough for this. No woman like to know you
to write to much another women. Every woman wants to be single for you.
James , it was your fault to tell your women you was writing to many
women.
How I understand, all men who are writing on this forum have been
looking for a right woman for a long time(year) and have still not
found this right woman.
Only one way to know each other in Internet- to ask and to answer.
But it is very hard to remember all , when you are writing to many
women. Men very often confuse details and get difficult
situations. You must be honest, but you must not be silly.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Gabriel Magana (---.dsl.anhm01.pacbell.net)
Date: 07-28-05 02:27

>How I understand, all men who are writing on this forum
>have been looking for a right woman for a long time(year)
>and have still not found this right woman.

Well I have just started to look a couple of weeks ago, but things are moving very fast! I am planning a trip already to Novosibirsk (and studying Russian intensely!), and I was also lucky enough to make a great match with a young lady that is visiting the American east coast from Moscow, so instead of me going over there to meet her I offered to pay for(and she accepted!) her trip out here to California so that she can visit here and we can travel together locally. So for me it is moving very fast.

I think if the e-mails are of substance you can ask the right questions in the beginning and know if it is a good match by the third or fourth email excahnge. Then it may be time to do something more serious, perhaps even a visit...

Nadya, I agree that it is hard to keep a focus on the fact that we are all here looking for love, not friendship. I have run so far into four types of women:

1) It is clear that with some of the ladies I am corresponding with we make good friends, but there is no "spark" of love. We can talk about movies, Tchaikovski, or world economics, but we won't really build a future together.

2) There are others that we have made a really good match, you know, like we have known each other for a long time, and we quickly develop trust and there is also a big romantic component. These are the people whom I feel like we belong together, and they feel the same way.

3) Some women do not know what they want, or maybe they cannot express it in a way for me to understand it (some translators are very very bad!).

4) Those who are probably scammers or just emailing too many people. They sometimes send the exact message again, send only professional-quality photos, and whose messages are always superficial and generic ("Hello friend!" type of messages).

Anyway, I am getting really worried that I am going to hurt someone because it seems I am having too much success :(

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Blaine (---.ph.ph.cox.net)
Date: 07-28-05 03:24

It may be that you are unusually lucky,Gabe,I have seen this happen before. But only one time in 6 years. My search has not always been for FSU women either. Be very careful,and do a name search. Also to consider--how did she get here? It is probably 99% impossible for these women to get a tourist visa just to vacation in the U.S. The FSU assumes that people will just stay in the US and denies them this type of visa. If she is on a work visa or a school visa,she must have a sponsor. If she is on a fiance visa already-she has 90 days to decide on marriage to the man who did all the legwork for you. Be very very careful. I know you do not want to be suspicious of her,and neither do I,but you should really closely check out her name,and check with visa/immigration to make sure you are not being played with. If you can,get a copy of her visa. Make sure she is not married also. I smell a skunk,Gabe, but I am not trying to take away from your happiness. I really hope I am wrong. Good luck!! Blaine

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Gabriel Magana (---.dsl.anhm01.pacbell.net)
Date: 07-28-05 04:09

Hehehe! Well is she is indeed just looking for a free trip, she'll get lucky this time!

I am relatively comfortable because first we agreed that I would meet her in the east, and then I thought that since the cost was exactly the same it would be better for her if she came here, so I am the one that brought up the idea, without coaxing or leading from her. I figure she is taking a huge risk by coming to meet me, I should trust her by paying for her trip here. I mean, I only stand to lose money, she's risking much more than that.

Also she never asked for the money, I just impled I would pay.

I'll be careful, even if she does turn out not to be what I expect, I'll try to have a good time. By the time I find out it will be too late to do anything else! I'll put it this way, I'd rather learn the ropes with a cross country flight than with with an international one!

But your warnings about how she got here are loud and clear, I will make sure to find out!

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.dsl.tulsok.swbell.net)
Date: 07-28-05 04:59

Gabe - if purpose of her trip is pleasure - has this girl made many trips to schenagan countries - in European Union? I am just trying to work out as to how she is getting her visa. I think it takes 7-8 schenagan visas before she can have any chance of getting tourist visa to USA.

Also, cost of flight from Russia to USA is very expensive - is she wealthy?

Is purpose of her trip business - then its plausible that she could be in USA.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.dsl.tulsok.swbell.net)
Date: 07-28-05 05:13

Thanks Nadya - as always your advice is excellent and you are obviously a very intelligent and thoughtful woman and i appreciate your advice.

Your questions made me think very much about what i seek, and its not this girl that questioned me writing to several girls.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: James (---.dsl.tulsok.swbell.net)
Date: 07-28-05 05:23

These are 2 replies i got from 2 girls that i was honest with about emailing with 3 girls at same time, but i only want to meet 1 !!!!!

Girl 1 - "I am very happy that you are honest with me. As for me
I don't write to many man, there are only 2, you and
other man, but actually (let it be our little secret)I like you more and more than him. hope to hear from you soon"

Girl 2 - "Hi James, want to be truly with you: when I received your letter and saw your photo I understood that you are the man whom I am looking for all my life so I stopped correspondence with another one and want
only see your letters. I made my choice. I proposed you do the same if not I understand you are the sex tourist to our country want to make meeting for some girls at the same time and to spend good time. Sorry but I need to refuse for our meeting."

The truth is that i want to have very open and honest relations. Ok Nadya -so how do you reply to man that tells you he writes to several girls? Oh yes i never forget information about any girl i write too - that too me is terrible, thats why its easier writing to just 2-3 girls.

Ok the reason why i write to several girls is that i wrote to 1 girl in spring for 3 months and arrange to meet her, and booked tickets and i went to Kiev, but she cancels on me 2 weeks before i leave, so i go anyway. Thats why i write to several girls. I dont want this to happen again !!

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Blaine (---.ph.ph.cox.net)
Date: 07-28-05 06:08

Let me tell you what was told to me by a Russian woman. Better the bitter truth then a sweet lie!! Anybody can conduct themselves any way they want to,but beware of relations that start with lies. My suggestion is to send letters with a paragraph or two to as many women as you want. Then wait for the responses. If you write to a woman and become close to her after several months,of course she is going to be hurt when you disappear. If you write to her 2 or 3 times and she replies that her heart is broken when you do not send another letter-disregard this. I am not an insensitive man,but remember this is the world of the fickle internet,and we are all adults who ( I presume ) have had experience before with short internet relations that come to nothing. I do not suggest doing this to a woman who has received many letters from you-if you have decided to move on to another interest. If you have only known her 1 month,and have not spoken on the telephone--you have not lost a solid,cemented relationship. If you have been writing to her for 6 months and have not spoken to her on the telephone--you also have not lost a solid relationship.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Nadya (---.ukrlink.net.ua)
Date: 07-28-05 07:58

Dear Gabriel, I am happy for you, because it seams me you are lucky to find your right lady.My congratulations. And take no adwises from very careful men of this forum, believe yourself, your heart and your lady.
Good luck for you.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Nadya (---.ukrlink.net.ua)
Date: 07-28-05 08:12

James, I don't answer such man or answer:'' I am sorry, I am not suitable for you. I think you need a woman different from me."

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Blaine (---.ph.ph.cox.net)
Date: 07-28-05 08:25

I disagree,sorry Nadya. This woman is here for some reason,and I hope that Gabriel is not going to be caught in between a woman and her fiance. I also met a Ukraine woman this way,who is living in New York. One night,I get a phone call from her husband,who goes on to say how bad his wife is-how she was selfish and petty,and demanded very expensive clothes because she could not adopt American women`s stores,which sold clothes too shabby for her expensive tastes. He went on to call me the worst names in the world,and to also tell me that his wife had not given up internet relations here in the US,but was meeting other men who romanced her on the internet,and that she was a selfish and consummate liar.. Make sure that she is here on a good visa. It may also be that she was one of few women awarded a green card as part of Americas green card lottery. But definitely know that she is here on work or school visa--or the K-1 fiance visa,which means she has a sponsor-who is the man who invited her here. Be certain that you are not the "other "man her fiance worries about. If she is here on a school visa--this means she must attend school 3 hours each day.. If she has violated her visa,this will break your heart. If she is here on a fiance visa,she must marry the man who brought her here in 90 days,or go home and repeat the process with another man. SHe possibly can have an "extension" for her visa. U,S, immigration and visa do not like internatinals floating all over the place unobserved. This is because of the Homeland security act,9-1-1,and the huge numbers of undocumented and illegal immigrants in the USA. Do your homework,my friend,and ask many questions from the embassy here and in Moscow. As I have said--if she is serious about you,she will have no problem verifying herself with a copy of her visa. If she is truly enamored of you,she will stand up to,and understand your interrogations,instead of being an insincere Russian woman who pouts and becomes outraged that you could suspect her intentions.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Gabriel Magana (---.dsl.anhm01.pacbell.net)
Date: 07-28-05 09:42

James: Hmm, I had not really thought of that, but she may well be wealthy enough to afford the trip. I don't really try to assess wealth in people, but you make a good point. Up to now everything checks out from what she's told me.

Nadya: Yes that very well could be, that I might have found "the one," and for now I just want to enjoy the moment, meeting a nice girl in person much before I had expected!

Blaine: I will ask her a couple questions about it... Not only to check her out, but because I'm truly interested in how that stuff works, for example, the concept of exit visas is a relatively new one to me... I have a pretty good feeling about her, and usually mi intuition is good with people. I know, she could just be good at it, so I will keep my eyes peeled.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, I must give this girl the benefit of the doubt since she is taking a much bigger risk than I (Just think about it, if I was out to hurt women, she would be placing herself in great harm by visiting me!). Plus, even though there are open questions and doubts, she really has not given me explicit reason to doubt her yet.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Roy (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: 07-28-05 16:32

What about Russian women tavelling to western European countries? Is it very difficult to get a visa? If a women has a visa to goto the USA then would it not be easier to visit Germany? Or Poland?

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Roy (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: 07-28-05 16:38

Gabriel, I wish the best of luck but remeber that if she never get's on the plane then she is taking no risk! Suggest to her that you can buy an electronic ticket that she picks up at the airport and it can only be refunded to you if it is not used. I have tried this and when I suggested buying a ticket like this instead of sending the money.. well, she disappeared.
Usually if you buy by credit card, the agency will NEVER refund cash, only credit it back to the charge card. It is best to ask this before the purchase too.

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Re: Is multiple email-only romances bad?

Author: Blaine (---.ph.ph.cox.net)
Date: 07-28-05 17:14

A couple of my friends have met women from FSU in Poland. The real drawback to this is you meet a woman in a "staging area",instead of on their own home front where their family and friends ( and kids if they have them ) are. It is not a true reflection of her everyday life,and she is apt to be a different person,as we all are when we lose our home field advantage.

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