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Ariane de Bonvoisin
What mistakes do people make when looking for a new relationship?

Often times, we're too focused on what we want and don't want he has to be tall, funny, a nonsmoker and that list hinders us from even getting to know people who fall outside of those requirements. But the right guy for you rarely fits that exact picture. And when a guy does have those qualities, we talk ourselves into staying with him even if our gut tells us he's not the one.

Your intuition is clearest during the first few dates, so pay close attention early on. After that, emotions take over, making it harder to listen to your gut. I remember after the first date with my ex, I knew the three reasons why it wouldn't work. Sure enough, those were the reasons we broke up a year later. A few key questions can help you: How does this guy make me feel? Happy? Insecure? Can I trust him? You'll know when a relationship feels right.

I often want too much too soon. How can I manage my expectations?

Expectations are dangerous because they can set us up for disappointment and prevent us from staying open to being surprised. Just think about what you expect from a date and you'll realize how long a list you have maybe you expect him to pay for dinner or kiss you a certain way. When your expectations aren't met, you feel let down and blame him.

Also, when you're living in anticipation of bigger milestones the first time you two sleep together or the first time he tells you he loves you that keeps you from really being present and enjoying the excitement of the getting-to-know-you process. So think of falling in love as an adventure, and try to notice and appreciate the little things, such as how he holds your hand or brushes hair out of your face. You'll discover lots of joy and fun along the way.

Ariane de Bonvoisin

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