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Don't do Nice Things for Them, Let them do Nice Things for You

If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm towards the person you've just spoilt. To justify the effort or expense, we often over-idealize how wonderful they are to deserve it. End result: we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play - and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's all even trickier if the 'nice thing' comes from someone you quite fancy but aren't sure about yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for them. You're much better off letting them spoil you.

So it thinks. OK, they're obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA is a chemical cousin to amphetamines and is secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. PEA is what makes your palms sweat, your tummy flip over, and your heart race. The more PEA the person you fancy has pumping through their bloodstream, the more likely they are to fall in love with you. While you can't honestly force someone to adore you if they're not remotely interested, (they won't let you look into their eyes for that long, for a start) it is entirely possible to kick-start the production of PEA using this technique. Try it. I think you'll be pretty impressed with the results.

Give someone the sensation of feeling in love whenever they're with you and it's not such a huge leap of logic for them to finally decide that they are.

Don't Look Away

There was another crucial finding from Rubin's research: the couples took longer to look away when someone else joined the conversation. Again, if you do this to someone who's not in love with you (yet), you trick their brain into thinking they are and even more PEA floods into their bloodstream. Relationships expert Leil Lownes calls this technique making 'toffee eyes'. Simply lock eyes with the person you fancy and keep them there, even when they've finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly - as though they're attached by warm toffee.


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